Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
