Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
