I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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