My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
