So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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