Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
