3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
