Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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