I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A+ Viking dick
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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