Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
