I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
