i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
