Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
