He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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