puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
