it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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