Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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