so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
