im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
