My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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