I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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