Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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