suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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