Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
