O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
