Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
