After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize