I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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