i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
