pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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