can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
