He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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