Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
