I'm lost and stupid without you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
