She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
