how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
