He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
