if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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