he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
