hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
