yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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