Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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