I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
