he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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