i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
