The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
