He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
