Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
