Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
