do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
