the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
