it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't deserve a penis
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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