She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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