Slut skills are useful in every country.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
