i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
