I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
