i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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