Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
