i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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