good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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