a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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