I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
