Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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