im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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