420 ftw
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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